


A+++ Profile, Would Read Again

by AgeOfAlejandro



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Captain America, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bees, Cliche, Community: avengerkink, F/M, History Jokes, Natasha takes vetting profiles to the wall, OKCupid, Online Dating, Prompt Fic, Richards-Doom foe yay mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2013-02-08
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:54:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgeOfAlejandro/pseuds/AgeOfAlejandro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy perused the site during her lunches sometimes and on a Friday, found possibly the funniest profile she'd yet read. The guy, kilroy_was_here, didn't have a picture, which she usually required, but he was twenty-six, charming, funny, and seemed pretty sweet. She tilted her head at her phone and decided to message him. She'd show kilroy to Jane later, and maybe to Natasha whenever she got back from Istanbul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Girl Finds Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: _She joins hoping it she will break her streak of dating crappy dudes. He joins to get to know people without having to deal with the "OMG YOU'RE CAPTAIN AMERICA!!!1!!!" thing ruining everything._
> 
>  
> 
> _Bonus points for:_  
>  -Darcy having Jane, Pepper, and/or Natasha vet profiles in order to tell her if they think she's making an awful choice  
> -Tony hacking Steve's profile and making it hilarious  
> -Dating advice from any/all Avengers to Darcy and/or Steve before first dates
> 
>  
> 
> _Or pretty much, Darcy/Steve and online dating--cliches abound!_
> 
>  
> 
> I'm not anti-poly. But I don't see either Darcy or Steve being into it in this fic. Also, there are possibly fewer cliches than OP wanted and more I-had-a-profile-on-OKC-and-this-is-what-it's-like. "Kilroy was here" was WWII graffiti left all over Europe by American GIs. Supposedly, Hitler flipped the fuck out and thought Kilroy was some awesome Allied spy and it's keep said that Stalin saw it in the VIP bathroom at the Tehran Conference (I believe) and asked who Kilroy was. It amuses me to think that Steve started it.
> 
> Not beta'd and possibly mildly derpy. Constructive criticism very welcome!

Darcy had picked OKCupid because it was the least fail of all the free dating sites she could find. PlentyOfFish was painful to look at and the others were even more cringe worthy. After perusing OKC, though, she concluded it was okay. She wasn't exactly in a position to hunt for suitable boys right now, so she supposed it would do. So Darcy registered as Day_and_Age, wrote up her profile, and answered a wad of questions one night while she and Jane waited for sims to run.  
  
  
In some ways, it went as she excepted a dating site to go. Lots of (often too old) men who _clearly_ had not read her profile messaging her things like, "hey baby", "wow pretty mama u got a nice rack", and "my fuckbuddy and i think ur pretty. wanna have a threesome with us?". Occasionally, she got couples asking her into triads and middle aged men who wanted to be her sugar daddy. Ugh. No.  
  
But not all of it sucked. Once in a while she got a thoughtful or funny message from a guy who might be worth her time. Darcy would shove their profiles at Jane for review (because boys, Darcy didn't know how to pick 'em) and eventually Natasha, too. Natasha, of course, took it to the wall and ran background checks on the guys. That turned out to be hella useful, once or twice. She didn't care about weed convictions (she was from _California_ ), but she did care about manslaughter and domestic violence charges.  
  
  
Darcy perused the site during her lunches sometimes and on a Friday, found possibly the funniest profile she'd yet read. The guy, kilroy_was_here, didn't have a picture, which she usually required, but he was twenty-six, charming, funny, and seemed pretty sweet. She tilted her head at her phone and decided to message him. She'd show kilroy to Jane later, and maybe to Natasha whenever she got back from Istanbul.  
  
 _A+++ profile, would read and lol again. Want to tell me a little bit more about yourself? Love the username, btw. Are you a bit of a history geek?"_  
 _As for me, I'm new to the city and pretty busy with a crazy but wonderful job. Just graduated with my BA in political science and I'm thinking about grad school, in a few years, anyway. I like dogs, ridiculous movies, and modern art (I know you said you hate modern art, but I can't help but love it. I practically passed out the first time I was in the same room as an O'Keeffe)_  
 _Hope to hear from you soon. :)_  
  
Darcy re-read the message and tapped send.  


 

 

 

  
When she got home that evening, Darcy pulled out her laptop and after checking her email and Facebook, she clicked over to OKC and wondered if kilroy had responded yet. He had.

 _Dear Day_and_Age,_  
 _My friend hacked my account and re-wrote my profile. I don't know that I'm quite as funny as he made me out to be. Haha._  
 _I do actually like modern art, although there's a lot of it I haven't seen. Like O'Keeffe, who I hadn't seen until I looked her up after reading your message. Her work is quite beautiful and I can see why you felt that way about being in the same room as her paintings._  
 _I don't know very much about political science, but it's been on my list of things to learn about for a while. I'm very glad someone got the "Kilroy" joke, and I guess you might say I'm a little bit of a history geek. Are you?_  
  
 _And about me: I'm from Brooklyn and just moved back after a stint in the army. I went to art school for a little while before enlisting, like my friend's hack said I did. I think about going back sometimes, but I don't think it's really in the cards for me. My job is unpredictable at the best of times, which would make it hard to go to class regularly. What I do is very fulfilling so it's okay, I guess. I still have some time to pursue drawing, which is nice. I also like dogs, reading, and baseball._  
  
 _Your profile says you're from California. What brought you out to New York?_  
  
 _Sincerely,_  
 _kilroy_was_here_  
  
Darcy grinned at the salutation and the sign-off. That was old-fashioned and kind of charming.

  
  
The next morning, Darcy flopped herself into her favorite in their living room and pushed her laptop into Jane's hands. "Give me an up or down vote on this guy."  
  
Jane accepted the laptop and peered down at it. She started snickering within a few seconds, her grin getting wider and wider as she read.  
  
"Apparently his friend hacked and re-wrote his profile, so I've included his response to my message in the next tab over," Darcy added, lounging back into the arm rest.  
  
Jane nodded and clicked over (Darcy presumed) to the message tab, nodding as she read. Looking up, she said, "Tentative up vote. Acceptable kind of geek and he likes dogs."  
  
"Good," Darcy said with a smile. "Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome," Jane replied and settled back into journals.


	2. Boy Responds to Girl

Steve had been pretty unhappy to discover that Tony had hacked his OKCupid profile and that a nice (and somewhat familiar looking) girl had responded to it. He didn't think Day and Age would have responded to what it was before, but he was going to take it and run. She was smart, she seemed nice, she liked art, and she was pretty. There was very little more Steve thought he could reasonably hope for in a girl.

And, well, he could _hope_ she wouldn't care that he was occasionally Captain America. It was too early to tell, though, by far. Steve would have to hold off on pictures as long as he could, he thought as he looked at hers. He felt a little guilty about that but perked up when the little notification robot in the toolbar turned pink to announce a new message.

_Hi kilroy!_   
  
_My job was what brought me out here. My boss persuaded the company we work for to hire me on as her keeper. I sort of ended up being in charge of the care and keeping of about three people who are like her and need someone to make sure they get fed and watered regularly. It's not quite what I had pictured myself doing after I got my degree, but I like it. I've met some interesting people this way._   
_I do miss California, though. I grew up on the coast there and it's lovely._   
  
_My dad's a bit of a WWII buff and has a quirky sense of humor. He thought Kilroy was the best thing since sliced bread when he discovered it and used to leave drawings of it around. I used to do it, too, on campus when I was in college. I thought it was funny._   
_I almost had a double major in history and poli sci, so yeah, I'm a history geek, lol. I'm into the labor movement's history. It's very exciting. :)_   
  
_Which team do you root for? I'm fond of the Giants, myself, but I haven't decided on which NY team is my new favorite yet._

 

Steve was always amused to see what Kilroy had become. It had started out as just a little thing he and the Commandos did, here and there during the war. It became something a lot larger than that, becoming something that gave Hitler fits and confused Stalin. Steve was kind of proud of that.  
  
 _Dear Day_and_Age,_  
  
 _I like the Dodgers the best, but contemporary NY teams, I suppose the Mets._  
  
 _My friend who hacked my profile could use a keeper or three. He's a little bit of a handful._

 _Your dad sounds like an interesting guy. Did any of your school mates or professors get it, do you think?  
  
My best friend growing up wanted to go to California when we were kids. He was thinking Hollywood, though. I don't know very much about the state, I'm afraid.  
  
So what are your favorite artists?_  
  
Steve read and re-read the message, concluded it was probably okay, and then wavered over how to sign off. They had only messaged back and forth a few times, but he liked her a lot and it wasn't as though there weren't a million Steves in New York. She wouldn't guess who he was.  
  
 _Sincerely,_  
 _Steve_

* * *

 _  
_"Any luck in your e-love life, Caparuni?" Tony asked, looking amusedly over his coffee cup and leaning against the kitchen counter.

Steve grunted noncommitally, ignoring the nickname. "That's a little personal, don't you think?"

"No," Tony said. "And even if it were, we're supposed to be doing some team bonding. Bonding requires some personal information to be revealed."

"I plead the fifth," Steve said. "And I discovered what you did to my profile - the one you _weren't_ supposed to know about." He heaved a frustrated sigh when Tony looked utterly unrepentant. "I like my privacy, Tony. Please stay out of my stuff."

"And asking about your luck with internet girls is an invasion of privacy?"

" _Hacking_ my account is. If I had wanted you to know about it, I would have told you and I'd thank you to stay out of my account from now on. This is kind of a personal subject for me, okay?"

Tony made a scoffing noise and pushed off the counter. "Fine, whatever," he said and waved a dismissive hand.

Steve rolled his eyes and sighed.

* * *

_Hi Steve,  
_

_Any particular reason you like the Mets?  
_

_Thank you, haha. He is quite a character. One of my history professors got the joke, since she made sly remarks about Kilroy to me at a department trivia night. But I don't know if anyone else did. I hope so, though.  
_

_Yeah, Hollywood is not representative of California. A lot of the rest of the state is more rural. I really liked that, growing up. All sorts of fresh produce, all year round. Although that had a lot to do with where I lived, I think. The coast >>>> inland, even though the inland produced a lot of my favorite foods.  
_

_Anyway, aside from O'Keeffe, I have a soft spot for the Dada artists, surrealism in general, and Andy Goldworthy. His work is seriously gorgeous and I like photography a lot._   
_Speaking of art, you said you draw? What's your usual subject matter?_

_Darcy_

 

Hmm, Steve thought. That was a familiar name, just a little. He had possibly heard it from Thor, but Thor was currently off doing whatever it was Thor did when he wasn't fighting super villains or keeping track of his brother. Knowing Thor, that was probably wenching, feasting, and killing animals Steve had never heard of. Or maybe not wenching, since Thor was kind of starry-eyed over a lady scientist who worked for SHIELD now.

In any case, Steve wasn't going to wait for Thor's return to talk to Darcy.


	3. Boy and Girl Agree to Meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for this being so short. I need to iron out some of the issues with the next section and that will take a while, probably. So, here, has taste of the awkward.

Steve was starting to feel a little guilty, like he was stringing Darcy along. She'd dropped hints in the last several messages that she'd like to go on a date, which he'd dodged them with as much grace as he could muster. But, three weeks to the day, she stopped dropping hints and said it outright.  
  
 _Hi Steve!_  
  
 _I kinda need to dash, so I'll give you a proper response later, but I just wanted to ask if you'd like to meet up for coffee on Saturday?_  
  
 _Darcy_  
  
Steve had thought long and hard about how long he wanted to talk to a girl before meeting up with her, but he was starting to realize those expectations were not really feasible if he wanted this online dating thing to work. And he did. Currently - and hopefully - with Darcy.  
  
 _Dear Darcy,_  
  
 _Sure! I'd be happy to meet you for coffee. Any place in particular you'd like to go to? Oh, and my number is 718-555-3942, in case you'd like to work this out over the phone or texting._  
  
 _Sincerely,_  
 _Steve_

* * *

Jane grinned at Darcy, who was trying not to flutter with nerves before she left for her coffee date with Steve, before turning back to her skype session with Natasha, who looked faintly amused. She hadn't given much beyond "yes, I approve" when Darcy had asked her to look over the guy the moment Natasha was home. Darcy had been too distracted by a million things at the moment to notice that Natasha hadn't given her the guy's name, date of birth, criminal record screening, or the color of his favorite underwear when she'd announced her approval of Steve.  
  
"Do you know this guy or what?" Jane asked Natasha quietly, while Darcy dug around in the front closet for something and muttered to herself.  
  
Natasha nodded. "Yes. It's why I'm at the Tower, actually."  
  
"He lives there?" Jane asked. When Natasha nodded, she hissed, " _Holy shit_. Is he who I think he is?"  
  
Natasha nodded again, looking a little more amused. "He's no better right now, by the way."  
  
"What are you going to tell him?"  
  
"'Don't assume the worst'? Or something. There's a reason he's doing this online."  
  
"Doesn't want everyone to know he's looking?" Jane asked sympathetically.  
  
"Right," Natasha agreed. There was a crash in the background and Natasha rolled her eyes, muttering something indistinct. "Excuse me," she said. "I have to go help Clint hide the evidence of whatever that was from Pepper."  
  
"Oh," Jane laughed, "all right. Good luck. Should we expect him if you want?"  
  
"Yes, thanks. And tell Darcy I said good luck, too."  
  
"I will," Jane said as Natasha signed off. She tilted her head back over the chair and yelled, "Natasha says good luck!"  
  
"Thanks, Natasha!" Darcy yelled back, from wherever she was in the apartment.  
  
"Our neighbors must love us," Jane muttered to herself and laughed.

* * *

Steve took a deep breath. Goodness. He was too old to be this anxious about a first date, he told himself as he smoothed his shirt and checked his blazer pockets again. There was a knock on his door and after a moment, Natasha stuck her head in. "I hear you have a coffee date."  
  
"How did you hear I had--?" Steve started, but when Natasha arched an eyebrow, he said, "Oh, right, spy."  
  
"Right," she agreed. "Good luck. She's nice and I'm sure you'll enjoy yourselves."  
  
"Thank you," Steve said, relaxing a little at Natasha's reassurance as Natasha closed the door again. Now, he thought wryly, he could just be nervous about embarrassing himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also run a comm for this pairing on LJ, if you're interested: http://darcy-steve.livejournal.com


	4. Boy and Girl Have a Date and There Are Bees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dearly hope you've read _Good Omens_ , otherwise a few lines here are going to be confusing. If you haven't, get thee to a library! Also, the moon bats are from the 1835 Great Moon Hoax, which is pretty amazing. Go read _The Sun and the Moon_ , by Matthew Goodman, if you're interested. Hands down, one of the most readable monographs I've ever had the pleasure of reading. *cough* anyway. Sorry this took so long.

Steve still hadn't sent Darcy a picture (and she was starting to wonder about that), so she had no idea what he looked like. He said he'd sit by the door and catch her, though, so she'd find out soon if he had a neckbeard or something. Darcy cracked her knuckles. "Go get 'em, tigress."  
  
And with that, she pulled open the door and stepped in, looking for a guy watching the entrance. Or, it occurred to her, the other door, since there were two and the one she'd walked through was a side door.  
Fortunately, she had his number and didn't mind awkwardly standing around for a little.  
 **I'm here. I walked in through the side door accidentally. Where are you?**  
  
A moment or two later, a tall blond man stood up from a table right by the front door and started for her door. Her eyes widened. That couldn't _possibly_ be Steve, she thought as the guy approached. He was way too hot to be a guy who wouldn't post his picture on OKCupid.  
  
"Darcy?" the man asked and stuck out his hand. "Hi."  
  
"Hi, Steve," she said, shaking his hand and hoping she sounded smoother than she felt. And that her palms weren't too sweaty, now that she had been confronted with a guy far more attractive than she had dared to hope for. "Good to meet you, finally."  
  
He chuckled. "Yeah, good to meet you, too. So, um, coffee?" he asked, gesturing at the counter.  
  
Darcy smiled, a little nervously. "Of course."

* * *

"Then, uh, let's get one? For each of us." Steve was so awkward. She was even prettier in person and he was never good around pretty women. Ever. Even when they looked kind of familiar. And he really had no idea how he should behave because there seemed to be no single standard of behavior on dates any more.  
Well, he supposed, he was pretty good at winging it.  
  
Darcy smiled at him again, nodded, and led the way to the counter. When they stopped at the end of the small line before the barista manning the till (were they called "baristas" still if they didn't work for Starbucks?) and glanced over her shoulder at him. "What do you usually get?" he asked.  
  
She smiled. "Uh, chai, usually."  
  
Steve had no idea what that was. "Oh, that sounds good."  
  
"It is," Darcy agreed as they moved forward in the line. "You?"  
  
"I don't come to coffee shops much. So, uh, a plain coffee is probably going to be what I get. Can't go wrong with that, right?"  
  
"It's hard to screw up plain coffee, yeah. Unless it's old, but coffee shops like," Darcy said and gestured toward the ceiling, "this one are gonna be on top of that, so your coffee is probably not going to be old and gross."  
  
"The pot just finished brewing a new batch, so no worries there," said the blonde barista with a smile. "What can I get for you?"  
  
"Medium chai with room, please," Darcy said.  
  
"Right on," the barista said. "And how about you, sir?"  
  
"Medium coffee, uh, whichever is fresher, I guess?" Steve said.  
  
"And do you want room for milk in that?" she asked.  
  
"Uhm, maybe a quarter inch?" Steve hazarded.  
  
"Okay, can I get anything else for you? Pastries or a bagel?"  
  
"I'm good," Darcy said, digging in her bag for something.  
  
"Me, too," Steve said, reaching for his wallet.  
  
"Same tab, different tab?" the barista asked.  
  
"Same," Steve said.  
"Different," said Darcy.  
  
They looked at each other and Darcy gave him a slightly steely smile. "It's just coffee."  
  
Steve was confused but he went with it. "Okay," he said, even as the barista swiped Darcy's card.  
  
A little bit later, when they were sitting with their drinks (chai, based on the teabag string Darcy was fiddling with and the smell, was possibly some sort of strongly flavored tea), Steve asked, "Tell me if this is a dumb question, but, uh, are they still called 'baristas' if they don't work at Starbucks?"  
  
"I...assume so?" Darcy said, looking amused and perplexed. She pulled out her phone. "I'll check...and," she said, her fingers flying over the screen, "yes, it appears they are. It's a general term for anyone who works in a coffee shop and is Italian for 'bartender', which makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?"  
  
"Yes," Steve agreed, thinking of Tony's fervent and occasionally wild-eyed desperation for coffee whenever he happened to wake up. Clint snickered at Tony sometimes and tapped two fingers on his inner elbow a couple times, which Steve didn't really get, but Tony would mutter at him darkly for it. "You should see my friend Tony -- the guy who re-wrote my profile -- in the morning. Whenever his 'morning' happens to be, anyway."  
  
She chuckled and leaned forward. "Is he the same guy you said needed a keeper?"  
  
"Yeah, he is," Steve agreed, leaning forward, too. Deciding he didn't want to talk about Tony, he asked her, "What exactly do you do, as a keeper?"  
  
Darcy shrugged. "Filing and stuff, occasionally wrangling funding and other people's lackeys. I also make sure my boss and the others don't explode things that shouldn't explode, that they eat something that isn't Poptarts, and that they sleep in a pattern that is as close to natural human sleep cycles as I can force them to. I'm a lot more successful with Jane than the others, because she's also my roommate, and when her boyfriend is around, I can call in the big, blond guns to carry her away for the night." She pauses and smiles, "What about you?"  
  
Steve should have known that was a dangerous question. "Security." It was kind of true. "I, uh, run a special team that manages certain kinds of threats. I can't really talk about it more than that."  
  
"Ah," Darcy said and nodded.  
A long, awkward silence ensued and Steve wondered how to fill it as they both sipped at their drinks.  
  
"Um," Darcy said, flashing him a sheepish smile. "You said you were reading _Good Omens_? What do you think so far?"  
  
"Oh, I finished it yesterday," Steve said with a grin. "That was a really wonderful read. Thank you for recommending it. It's being passed around my friends now, since one of them caught me laughing at Dog."  
  
She took a sip of her drink and nodded. "Dog is pretty good. I like Crowley's car, myself."  
  
"Best of Queen," Steve said with a nod back. He'd had to look them up when he first ran across them and decided they were pretty good, all things considered. Their music was more artful than a lot of the stuff Tony made him endure sometimes, at least in Steve's opinion.  
  
"Yes," Darcy said with a grin. "I actually own that. It's on my driving playlist."  
  
Steve laughed. "Where it belongs."  
  
"Right," Darcy agreed. "Both the authors have written a lot of other stuff. If you liked the Them the best, I'd check out Pratchett. Gaiman is very Famine and Pollution."  
  
"Hmmm," said Steve. He'd like the Them a lot. "I'll keep that in mind, next time I go looking for light reading." Darcy smiled again and another wave of pretty-girl induced awkwardness washed over him. It was probably best to hand the conversational reigns over to her. "What, um, have you been reading?"  
  
She smiled sheepishly again. "Scientist wrangling takes up a lot of my time, but when I do have the chance to read, my reading tends to be, um, kind of academic? Really nerdy shit - historical monographs and stuff. Although if you liked _Good Omens_ , I might have a book you'd be interested in. It's a historical account of the wacky adventures of moon bats and the dude who created them. Probably, anyway. It's a really great account of what 1830s New York City was like."  
  
Steve was still not used to ladies swearing, but had by and large figured out how to cover it by now. Pepper and Agent Hill were _colorful_ when roused, and between Clint destroying things all the time and Tony, he'd had plenty of opportunity to learn. "I'll check that out."  
And then his phone went off, blaring the ring tone that signaled a call to assemble. Steve tensed and sighed. "That's a call for work," Steve said apologetically, standing up. He shifted from foot to foot before hurrying off, "It was great meeting you, um, I'll call!" he said as loudly as he dared before picking up his phone. "Rogers, here."

* * *

Well, fuck, Darcy thought as Steve all but ran away. She fiddled with the lid of her cup, sighed, and collected their trash. Dumping it on the way out the door, she called Jane.  
  
"So, how'd it go?" Jane asked the moment she picked up.  
  
"Well? I think? It wasn't terribly long and there were awkward silences, but he's insanely fucking hot, he really liked the book I recommended, and we talked about that for a little while before he got a work call and had to run off. And I mean that literally; he was sprinting the moment he was out the door."  
  
"Hmm," Jane said. "Did he promise to call?"  
  
"He did," Darcy said. "I guess I'll just have to see." There was an earth-rattling boom up toward Manhattan and she sighed, watching a stop light quiver. "Are you gonna turn on the TV and tell your favorite assistant-slash-roommate if she needs to take the long way home?"  
  
Jane sighed back. "Sure." There was the reassuring sound of the twenty-four hour news cycle over the phone and a moment later, Jane hummed. "Okay, it appears to be Doom writing a destructive love letter to the Fantastic Four again in Manhattan. The Avengers are busy helping them and I just watched Cap bounce his shield off Doom's face." There was a twist of amusement in Jane's voice that confused Darcy, but she brushed it aside. "And Doom's giant magic-mechanical bees are crawling all over everything, so yeah, take the long way home."  
  
"Uugh," Darcy says. " _Bees_. How big are they?"  
  
"Three feet or so, they're saying."  
  
"Oh my _god_ , why do we live in New York."  
  
"Science," Jane replies. "We live in New York because science."  
  
"For you," says Darcy, wondering if the subway was working or if it would be a good idea to take it. " _My_ science is in DC."  
  
"Soft science," Jane says loftily, "is not actual science. Now come home so we can do a post-date dissection over ice cream."

 

 


	5. Boy Gets the Shovel Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well," Darcy laughed, plopping down on the nearest kitchen chair. "Good to hear from you. I take it you came out of that job uninjured?"
> 
> "Yeah," Steve said. "Sorry I had to leave so soon."
> 
> "It's okay," Darcy replied, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "You warned me that might happen."
> 
> "Still," Steve said. "Can I make it up to you?" he asked, his voice warmer.
> 
> "Hmm," she replied playfully, "maybe. Dinner?"

" _Bees,"_   Tony said darkly, brushing pieces of robotic insect innards off his suit in the helicarrier. "I hate _bees._ "

Natasha and Steve exchanged eye rolls and she kicked back, putting her boots on the edge of the table and crossing her arms. She leaned back and raised an eyebrow. "So? How did your date go?"

 "Good? I think," Steve said quietly, shrugging. "We talked about baristas and books, mostly. I was awkward, but she didn't seem to notice." He narrowed his eyes. "How do you know her?"

Shrugging back, she said, "I have my ways. Are you going to call her?"

"I told her I would," Steve said. "Should I wait to do it?"

"A day, perhaps two," Natasha said and quirked her lips. "Avenging permitting, of course."

 "Right."

 "Oooh," Tony said, grinning like the little bastard he was, "has Cap acquired a lady of e-love?"

 Steve sighed, aware of the others at the table looking at him. "I'm not going to answer that."

 "Was this before or after I helped you out?"

 "I plead the fifth."

 "So what's her name?" Clint asked, leaning forward and grinning. "Because you totally have, haven't you?"

 Knowing his friends would dig around like the nosey people they were if he didn't cop to it, Steve sighed. "Fine. Yes, there's a girl. Her name is Darcy."

 "Really?" Clint asked, looking at Natasha and grinning again. "Well, I'll be. Cap's got a girlfriend."

 "No," Steve said, "I don't. I have a girl I would like to see again." He put on his best, most commanding glare and said, "And I want you guys to leave her alone."

 "I'd bet you've got her in the bag," Clint said, leaning back. "But okay, I'll leave her alone."

 "Tony?" Steve glared harder.

 "Fine, fine," the man said, putting up his hands in surrender. "I'll leave your e-love alone."

 Steve wasn't counting on that.

* * *

"Hello?" Darcy asked distractedly, attempting to wrestle two, very large and newly cleaned pots back where they went, the phone wedged between her ear and shoulder.

"Oh, um," Steve's voice said over the phone, "Did I call you in the middle of something, Darcy?"

She perked up. "Nothing that can't wait," she said, smiling even though he couldn't see her. "Just putting away dishes. Anyway, how are you?"

"Good, good," Steve said. "Just, ah, thought I'd call?"

"Well," Darcy laughed, plopping down on the nearest kitchen chair. "Good to hear from you. I take it you came out of that job uninjured?"

"Yeah," Steve said. "Sorry I had to leave so soon."

"It's okay," Darcy replied, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "You warned me that might happen."

"Still," Steve said. "Can I make it up to you?" he asked, his voice warmer.

"Hmm," she replied playfully, "maybe. Dinner?"

"Sure," he said, and Darcy was imagining him grinning. "My treat, for having to leave so soon." He paused. "If that's okay? I don't always know how I'm supposed to do these things," Steve admitted, sounding a little embarrassed.

"You're doing fine," Darcy soothed, leaning back in her chair. "Dating rules are kind of awkward and messy and dumb." She wondered how to manage the bill, since she preferred to split it until she got to know a guy. "Um, I kind of would like to split the bill on dinner?"

After a moment, Steve said, "Sure? Is that - uh, if this isn't a dumb question - usual?"

"It's usual for me," Darcy said. She'd had more than one guy demand sex because he paid for dinner and while she didn't think Steve was the sort to do that, one never knew. At first, anyway.

"Okay," Steve said. "That's fine, if you want."

"I do," she assured him. "Where do you want to go?"

"Um, anywhere?" Steve said, sounding uncertain. "I'm not really a picky eater."

"Okay," Darcy said. "What kind of environments do you prefer? Loud, quiet; casual or formal?"

"I like casual and quiet," Steve said after some consideration.

"Okay, then I think I know a place." Darcy smiled. "Friday at seven? I'll text you the address."

"Sure," Steve said. "Um, there's still a possibility I'll be called away again."

"You said there's always that possibility," Darcy replied, thinking of Natasha and Clint. "I remember, and it's okay."

 Steve's voice was warm and relieved. "Thanks for your understanding."

"You're very welcome." 

* * *

The date came and went, and Steve thought it had gone very well. They had been more comfortable with each other this time and while Steve was still awful at flirting, she didn't seem to mind and did enough of it for both of them. He'd gotten a hug from her out of it, which had been all kinds of wonderful. She was soft in his arms and smelled good, and when she had pulled away, her eyes had been warm and fond and Steve was pretty happy. He'd smiled back and bid her good night when they'd parted ways on her stop on the subway.

Steve was thinking of it with a smile as he made his way through the hallways at SHIELD's groundbase, looking for Dr. Foster's lab. He was supposed to talk to her more about Thor, among other things.

Reaching the door to Foster's lab, he adjusted his cowl and knocked.

"Coming!" a very familiar voice called from the other side of the door and Steve's eyes widened. Oh my goodness, he thought, as the door was yanked open.

Darcy, in jeans and a sweater with her hair pulled back, greeted him. She smiled, not at all fazed by Captain America at her door, and gestured in him. "Captain," she greeted, closing the door behind him and edging around him in the very small space. "If had known you were coming, I would have tidied up the place," she said, a familiar sheepish expression on her face. "Science is, ah, kind of messy sometimes."

"I'm familiar," he said, trying to pitch his voice a little lower than was natural. She didn't seem to recognize him and while the fact that she didn't look star-struck was encouraging, he wanted to stave off either telling her or her figuring him out. "I know Tony Stark and Bruce Banner," he laughed, hoping he didn't sound nervous.

She laughed. "I'm not surprised they're messy. Jane is, god knows. Not at home - she's my roommate, too - but her office, man. Erik is good though," Darcy added. "He at least cleans up after himself when he's done for the day. Or days. Anyway, let me guide you through the labyrinth of servers and shit."

Steve followed behind her, trying to listen more than watch. Darcy had relaxed with him, but not as much as she was here. The line of her shoulders was looser and her whole demeanor was more comfortable. He wondered why.

"Here we are," Darcy said, spinning neatly on the balls of her feet as she swept an arm across a large, open space. A quick check found a small, slightly rumpled looking woman hunched over something on a tablet, and Darcy traipsed into the woman's space and poked her. "Psst."

"Hmm?" the woman said, evidently not drawn out of her work.

Darcy poked at her again at intervals, patiently waiting for her boss to look up. When Foster finally did, she said, "You've got a spangly visitor."

"Oh," Foster said, a twist of amusement in her expression. "Thank you."

"Just doin' my job," Darcy said. She flashed a smile at Steve and jerked a thumb in Foster's direction. "If you need help navigating back out of the lab, have her call me, yeah?"

"Sure," Steve said with a nod. "Thank you, miss." He wasn't going to need her help, but he was thinking about asking for it anyway.

Darcy smiled at him again and breezed past him, leaving Steve alone with Foster.

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "This is the part where I give you the shovel talk. Hurt Darcy and I'll...I don't know, sick Thor on you. He's a little protective of people he likes; she tazed him the first time they met."

Steve sucked in a breath, wondering how Foster knew. "I...see. I'll do my best not to, Doctor." He wasn't entirely surprised that Thor liked Darcy because she tazed him; he seemed like the kind of guy who liked ladies who took guff from no one. Which Steve was, too, but that was beside the point.

"Good," Foster said. "I won't tell her because that's between you two and she hasn't figured it out yet, but seriously. Don't hurt her."

Steve nodded again. "Thank you."

"You should tell her soon," Foster added. "She'll be upset if you don't."

"I'll take that under advisement."

She raised an eyebrow. "Right. Now, what was it that you came to talk about?"

"Uh, Thor, and a few other things."

"I see," she said. "Let's get to it, then."


	6. Chapter 6

"Lady Darcy!" Thor boomed, scooping her up jubilantly.

"Thor," she responded, weakly patting him on the shoulder and trying to breathe. "Midgardian, here. Squeezing kind of tight."

"Oh," Thor said, the circle of his arms loosening. "I am very sorry. Sometimes I forget my strength." He looked down at her apologetically and set her on her feet.

"I know you do," Darcy replied, patting his bicep lightly. "How's it hanging?"

Thor looked at her quizzically for a moment. "Is that Midgardian for 'how are you doing?'"

"Oops. Yes," Darcy said. "It is."

"Ah, well, I am well enough. I am glad to be on Midgard," Thor said with a nod. "Things are...tense, perhaps, at home."

Darcy nodded sympathetically. "I bet they are. Anyway, how long are you here?"

Thor shrugged. "Until I am called back."

"Right on," Darcy said. "And hey, you should rescue Jane from herself. She's been in the lab for like three days and I can't get her out."

"Certainly." Thor nodded and Darcy led the way through the lab. "Has she done this often since my departure?"

"No more than she did before you were around," Darcy replied.

Thor nodded again and peppered her with questions about her life since he'd last seen her.

"I'm sort of seeing a guy right now," Darcy said when Thor offered to hook her up with Sif or one of the Warriors Three. "So no, thanks."

Peering down at her, Thor said, "I would like to meet him, so as to determine if he is worthy of you."

Darcy raised an eyebrow at him over her shoulder, wondering when he had appointed himself her older brother. "Ah, I don't mind you meeting him - eventually - but don't scare him off. I think I want to keep him."

"He will only be afraid if he is unworthy," Thor countered.

"Thor, buddy," Darcy replied, "You're kind of intimidating. Midgard - or parts of it - thought you were a  _god,_ and you're a big alien dude with a big, flying hammer. Ordinary Midgardians are gonna be nervous around you."

Thor harrumphed and she shook her head. "Here's Jane's lab," Darcy said, gesturing toward where her friend was curled over a machine of some sort. "Go sweep her off to bed or food or both."

His grin was broad. "Both, if she's willing."

* * *

Darcy was starting to get suspicious. Steve had had to reschedule their fourth date three times and each of those three times, the Avengers - which she supposed was a form of security - had to kick the shit out of a couple villains. And the fourth time, Captain America - who was, she noted, built along the same lines Steve was and definitely a blond - was briefly interviewed. 

So she went to go look up pictures of the good Captain. She, like everyone else, grew up seeing him in her history books and such, but she paid them about as much attention as she paid pictures of Uncle Sam and they were almost universally pictures of him in his spangly getup, anyway. It took an awful lot of digging through google images and archives to find a picture of the guy without his cowl on, but she eventually succeeded. And it was definitely Steve. It also explained Natasha, and why Clint kept teasing her about Steve.

Feeling pretty stupid for not having put two and two together, Darcy decided to ask him and to forgive herself, because who the hell would have assumed Captain America would resort to  _internet dating_  to find a partner? Much less   decided to respond to her message? Darcy was aware that she was intelligent and pretty hot, but it just seemed very, very unlikely.

That said, weirder shit had happened (e.g., Thor and that day's flying acid kitten attack on the Bronx), so however improbable it was, it seemed she was seeing Captain America.

* * *

A sly smile and the promise of coffee was enough to persuade Steve to come back to her apartment on their next date. While this was also her preferred opening salvo for getting into a guy's pants, Darcy figured it was better to ask him in private.

She handed him a cup of coffee and curled up next to him on her couch, taking a sip and wondering how to open the conversation.

"There's something I should probably tell you," Steve said after a moment, studying his mug intently.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I, uh," he coughed, "well, I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just going to be, ah, blunt. I'm Captain America."

Well, Darcy thought, relieved. That was convenient. "Thank you for telling me," she said, giving him an amused look when he turned to face her.

He studied her for a moment, perplexed and searching, and she arched an eyebrow at him as she sipped her coffee. "You knew," he accused, shaking his head. "Who told you?"

"I  _suspected_ ," she corrected. "And I was going to ask you about it today. No one said anything about you being Cap; the pieces were all there. It just took me a while to pick up the pattern."

"Oh," Steve said, sitting back before glancing up at her. "You seem to be taking this awfully well."

"Dude, I don't know if you know this, but I live in a city where magical robot bees are a thing, I have a 'in case of alien invasion' kit, and  _Thor_  appears to think he can act like he's my older brother. It made no sense to deny that two plus two seemed to equal 'Steve plays Captain America on TV' in the face of  'weirder and more unlikely shit has happened'."

"When you put it that way," Steve said, wry.

She grinned at him. "Yes. So," she said and set her cup down briskly, "now that that's been put out in the open, are you going to object if I kiss you and call you my boyfriend?"

"No objection whatsoever," Steve said, setting his own down, too, and letting her manhandle him to her heart's content.

Darcy cradled his face in her hands and smiled. "Good."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I _think_ this is the end. I think, because the thing decided it was done rather suddenly. We'll see if any plot threads decide to rear their heads.
> 
> Also, after I finish one other Avengers fic, I'm going to finish a couple Star Trek fics before the new movie renders them moot. This is mostly an FYI.
> 
> Lastly, I know there was at least one person who was originally following this on el jay over at Avengerkink - does someone have the URL to that prompt? 'Cause I lost it, being a dummy.


End file.
